The Fixed Mindset - how does it look?

So what does the difference between a fixed mindset and growth mindset look like in somebody’s life?

Well, a fixed mindset will lead to:

• A desire to appear smart and therefore a tendency to
• Avoid challenges
• Get defensive or give up easily
• See effort as fruitless or worse
• Ignore useful negative feedback
• Feel threatened by the success of others

... and as a result plateau early and achieve less of their potential.

I found myself thinking about all sorts of situations where this had some resonance at times - I’m pleased to say less now then a decade ago – but still challenging to consider!

Mindsets

I have been reading an interesting book lately, ‘Mindset - how you can reach your potential’ by Dr Carole Dweck. It explores two basic mindsets that we as humans have and how they shape our lives. 

The one is a fixed mindset where we believe that basic things about ourselves can’t change, for example our intelligence. The other is a growth mindset where we stay curious and keep learning and exploring through every experience.

It’s an interesting book because it challenges some fundamental beliefs I did not even realise I had - such as the intelligence I was born with was in essence a fixed ‘quantity’ and therefore put a ceiling on how far intellectually I might go. Now with neuroplacticity we know that this is just not true and that new neural networks can form with attention to something particular and that we CAN learn to be more intelligent and skilled - we can indeed change. What a gift to know that!

Does it mean that I can be a world class mathematician...? Probably not!

Parenting and Presenting!

We had a Parenting Day last week and I had the experience of co-presenting with a lovely man who I admire a lot. But here’s the thing….we have never presented together before and in many ways it was a wonderful metaphor for two people plunging into the adventure of parenting with both people confident and anxious!

I found myself wondering at times if what I was saying might be different to what he believed or practised - especially given that he was, in my mind, by far the more ‘expert’ one.

To do this adventure together we had to come face to face with both our expertise – together we had 9 children, 8 grandchildren and some 45 years jointly as therapists in relationships of all sorts – and our sense of inadequacy both as parents and presenters.

Yet it is exactly this blend of expertise and inadequacy that makes both parenting AND presenting such an adventure!

Individual Paradigm vs Relational Paradigm - Where do you fall?

So back to the exploration of the difference between the Individual Paradigm and the Relational Paradigm.

Is the locus of control in the individual who pursues healing and growth through insights as they are relevant to his or her world? Or are those experiences of growth and healing more readily available in the interaction between two people – in the space between?

I like what Dr. Dan Siegel has to say about this:

‘And as a ‘we’ is woven into the neurons of our mirroring brains, even our sense of self is illuminated by the light of our connection.’