So where is the locus of growth - does it reside in the individual or does it reside in the interaction, the space between two individuals?
There is an assumption that underlies the individual paradigm i.e: each individual, in a committed relationship or not, needs to become autonomous, differentiated and self-reliant. While these characteristics can contribute to healthier individual functioning, they ignore our fundamental neurobiological wiring for connected interpersonal experience. In light of this, a broader approach incorporating the relational paradigm is called for.
So how does the relational paradigm as I am talking of it, differ?
Well this relational paradigm has an understanding that it is only in meeting you, loving you and being triggered by you that I meet myself. In other words, we experience ourselves in the connection with another – and indeed neuroscience is rapidly and thoroughly providing evidence for this.
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