'The underlying philosophy is
consistent with research, which shows that lasting success in relationships
requires a combination of increasing positive regard in relationships, and
ability to use repair techniques in conflict.'
This statement really resonated with me when I read it a few weeks ago - its
clear focus on increasing positive regard captures something of the challenge
of working with two people who are in a relationship but have come to see each
other as dangerous on some level.
Right now I am working with a couple where
the love is clear in the room yet through the conflicts and experiences of the
past he tells himself that she is toxic to him and she tells herself that he
will never change - and so they look longingly and hopelessly across the space
at each other.
This couple have had repair techniques in conflict that have clearly not served
them well!
Part of the magical, absorbing work I do is introducing them to a new 'repair
technique' that does what it says on the box...it repairs after conflict. The
conflict that makes them experience each other as dangerous and cuts them off
from whatever positive regard they do have can now be worked with by them with
gradually increasing confidence.
I LOVE my work!
Of course...they do have to use the repair tool-and there in lies another
adventure!
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